26
Jan
TheorenFleury Saved Me!
Namaste! Gootenmorgen! Sussreekall! Salam! Merhaba! Bonjour! Howdy ho, Beautiful Ones. Energy and light to you! Thank you for being here! *beam*
Okay…
I need to tell you about something, and I believe it is important. Its not particularly riveting or earthshattering….but it is MY experience and that is really all. My, well…my writing experience.
I’ve written ever since I could hold a pen. Drawn. Drawn on Barbies, drawn on walls, drawn on runners. Written poems and nonsense that mapped my experiences and lots+lots+lots of love letters. LOL!
Eventually becoming a lyricist was inevitable, I suppose. A charmed creative life. I concur.
Embarking on trying to consisely compartmentalize my life’s story is insurmountable, at times, because of all the writing. Yepp. The HANDwriting.
It gets stupid. And the details are, for me, everything.
And there are a lot of details I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT. AT ALL. LIKE, NOT WHILE MY PARENTS ARE ALIVE. NOT EVEN WHILE I AM ALIVE. ACK!!! SHY! SHAME! FEAR! SUCK! WAH! HAND-WRINGING! ICKY FEELINGS! SAD! CRY! MAD! YUK! ..you get the picture. Daunting stressful efforts in many areas of my most sensitive writing, lately. :P
It is bringing up A LOT of stuff. I have a memory like an elephant! (Hellllooooowww??? Why can’t I be one of those who “blocks” shit out, yo??)
Sheesh! (Pranayama, please.)
And that is proving to eclipse the things I LOVE writing about: The color of the breeze. The scent of a car door. Name it. Isolating and emotionally exhausting a lot of the time (the REST of the time, on my tour hiatus, is spent in my domestic scene filled with recent drama, fresh revelation, and of course Nicklas!) So I take small breaks from my writing to, well, read.
I read A LOT. I am a bookworm. I love books and I love touchin em and flippin pages and the tactile sensory joy stirs me on a daily basis.
I’m drunk on words. Intoxicated. And I have and love to start new books.
Enter Theo.
You know, Theoren Fleury, the hockey champion (olympic Gold Medalist, Stanley Cup Champ, NHLsuperhero) wrote a book. And, like my own dark story, he had secrets to tell.
And that HAD to be hard. And I can not even fucking imagine. This man is astounding! Not only is he an accomplished athlete, and an example of beautiful self-discipline, but a resiliant and strong human being with more heart than almost anyone. His intimate honesty and integrity is a beacon of light and his bravery is helping me immensely!!! Though I have only just begun to explore his writing, I wanted to tell you to pick up his book and uncover, for yourselves, the inspiration it will bring to you.
Like me, Theoren is a survivor of the perils of living with sexual abuse and the lifetime of challenges and issues that results. He is very brave. Mas bravo que un lion! Rrrrrrooooar!!!
And one of my personal heros.
His book is called “Playing With Fire” and it is available on his website:
I encourage you to investigate and explore his website! He will inspire you and give you hope as he has given me.
I hope I can be as brave as he. I look up to him.
He is a champion. A SIksika Blackfoot Warrior. A husband. A father. A very human Human. A Legend. And, currently, MY coach, whether he would want to be or not! LOL! He is encouraging me to push myself.
Maybe writing is like stick handling? Here’s hoping I can learn to shoot a puck straight.
I am wishing each of you the bliss and love from The Universe and may all of us continue to discover true inspiration continuously to push us further in pursuit of The Path we are on.
Life’s pretty fucking cool, aint it? Om Nama Shivaya.
From my heart to where you are-Namaste!
Pure Love Energy,
Biffy
Xoxo
P.s. The picture is from my kitchen where I hang and display a lot of my dieties and Theo is up there with Sai Baba of Shirdi, Ganesha, Krishna, and The Teletubbies. Booyah!!!!!! HornnnnnnS!!!!! Xo
January 26th, 2010 at 4:49 PM
I heard a bit about Flurries story. I hope to read his book some day. Its not often that a male athlete tells a personal story with such dignity and courageous honesty. He is inspiring. Probably because his work not only reinforces his own strength, but is able to affect the lives of many. Which will help many young men or women to speak their truths if in a similar situation. What integrity. Very brave indeed. And, it sounds as a warning for would be sexually abusive men, or women. Pervesions have to be dealt with. Like any illness a sexually disturbed mind needs professional help. If a person is unable to see that, than there is a serious problem indeed. While I am not usually for the prision system, sometimes it may be the right place to send someone. With re-offences perhaps throwing away the key would work. If anyone should feel shame, its the offender. Enough said.=======
January 26th, 2010 at 7:39 PM
Bif, You and Theo are NOTHING alike, I only have the utmost of respect for you, your music, and everything that you have accomplished in your short life this far… I get that Theo has inspired you to push yourself, which I think is good. Hopefully that means another album soon. I have literally worn out my first copy of the promise, but still have a second that is now getting serious play time in my big red truck, LOL! I have lived my whole life in Calgary Alberta, or Cochrane where they made ice cream. But I hate to disagree with you on anything, usually you said it as I was feeling it, or living it. Your second album LITERALLY saved my life when I was in darker times. That being said, I hope and know you will take this as it is meant, and not taken as random negativity. But I grew up watching the flames as a little boy, even though I was an Edmonton fan, and then a LA fan, and so on because of Gretzky. I went to see the Flames play at the dome so many times. Those are some of my fondest memories. But one Quote that Walter Gretzky said sticks with me every day, and I kinda live my life by it. ” It takes 30 years to make a name, but only 30 seconds to destroy it!” That being said now I can get into the nitty gritty of number 14, big bag O …
Religious views aside, I grew up watching Theo play the game he loved, for the team he loved, for the fans he loved, and as I said those were some good times. And when Theo went south to play for the Rangers it sucked to see such a talented guy go, but such is life. It really sucked to see Theo’s fall from grace, and so many of us held him so high on a pedestal that’s shadow would cover all of Calgarys down town core. Needless that was a huge distance to fall. Then Theo disappeared for some time, battling with demons is the shadows could not of been easy, or pleasurable. But he got clean, and found god, but I’m not going into religion. Then we see Theo on the Calgary Vipers Base ball team, I got a laugh, hell if Jordan could do it then why not? Time passes again, then my buddy James at the ONLY radio station in Calgary (X92.9) broke news that the good ol number 14 would be gracing the ice in practices, and was trying out to be a flame once more! My love for the game was back, more so than ever. I just thought to see Theo maybe on the same shift as Iggy, “Were my dreams coming true?” It was that same feeling I get when one of my favorite bands that has done nothing for years is putting out a new album out soon, but it is never soon enough! Now we all know that we all get slower with age, and Theo did not make the team. Tears came and left me over that one. Even if he did not make the team, he could of followed Bearcat’s steps and helped out the team with special teams, coaching, or what have you. To still be a part of the team he “loved”, for the fans he “loved”. It sucked that he had his head so far up where the sun don’t shine to see that… But now we get into the really negative Theo, I’m sure since you have read his blog, and linked us to his site. You have seen what he said about the team, city, and the fans that made Theo Fleury a household name all across this great country of Canada, and the hockey world too! I have rarely been so insulted! If I was a violent guy I would take his fake teeth and kick them so far up where the sun don’t shine they would be back in his mouth, buy I’m NOT a violent guy. I guess like Walter Gretzky said, and that blog proved it! I don’t look down on Theo for the drugs, nor the whole god fad thing, but seriously what was said is so much less than exceptable! That was the lowest thing said by “a used to be somebody ever”!
Now as I said I respect you, but if you lashed out at all of your fans, what would you expect us to do? And Theo’s apology was weak at best! And I’m in a VERY generous mood.
I know Theo had it rough, and there was many unacceptable things done to him in the past, that I bet keep him up at night still. But we all have out baggage, and skeletons in his closet. But that does not excuse his actions! Maybe in thirty years, the Fleury name will be worth something again, but for now like I have said here and there. The Only place the number 14 should be hung at the dome is printed on the toilet paper.
I appreciate that his story has inspired you to fight harder, I get that. But sadly that inspiration is form such a horrible source. Like someone abusing animals, would inspire most people to stand up for those who can’t speak. In closing YOU would Never lash out at your fans, nor take us for granted!You embody integrity, Theo may of in the past, but not anymore, he needs to rebuild the Theo “Brand” and that WILL take some years to undo what he has said and done!
I hope you still keep doing what you do, I hope to see you rocking out soon, and is your new album out yet? Just kidding, I know I will have to wait for it like everybody eltse.
Love ya, Matt.
January 27th, 2010 at 6:06 AM
I am (being British) not familiar with Theoren Fleury at all, but I will now look him up, it’s always good to have inspirational figures….
Reading about you and your blogs fills me with the same feeling, one of wanting to get out there and play music and be healthy and go to the freakin’ gym!! Even if my friend isn’t coming with me…. hahaha!
Thankyou for being my muse. Don’t ever stop those scribblings!!!
Much Love
Donna x
January 29th, 2010 at 6:20 PM
i’m a firm believer that going through cancer changes your outlook on things even if you think it doesnt (and i thought it hadnt changed me). being an upbeat positive person that you are, a survivor, a person willing to give others benefit of the doubt… a go getter. all that was in you before the cancer. for many, this shows up ‘after’ it. so you might think that you’ve not changed, only become more so of what you already were (thats what i thought too).
however.. i think having cancer makes you face your own mortality (even if your cancer is ‘x’ percent survivable and you never feel that your life is in jepoardy). I think we still end up facing our mortality and it does change us. perhaps for you it has brought the hard to think about thoughts into the forefront so that you are forced to face them down and toss them off like you do with all the other nasties in your life. A way to cleanse the inside as in the same way the treatments are cleansing your insides… just thinking out loud here. For me – it was being able to say what i thought instead of trying to avoid hurting people’s feelings… stuffing anything down inside of us – even in the name of acceptance and positivity- isnt a good thing, me thinks.
kudos to you for facing things head on as always.
February 10th, 2010 at 1:39 PM
I’ve been a fan since 94 and I have to finally say something that is long over due. Thank you.
This being a public blog, I hesitate to talk in too much detail, but you and I have a lot in common. I am also a survivor of sexual abuse and you and your music has helped me to find strength. A recent event has brought up a lot of stuff I had thought long put behind me. I am one of those people who blocked things out, and I can tell you it’s no better. Things still catch up to you – sometimes with shocking suddenness.
“ACK!!! SHY! SHAME! FEAR! SUCK! WAH! HAND-WRINGING! ICKY FEELINGS! SAD! CRY! MAD! YUK” – IknowIknowIknow….
I love that you are always a positive influence in people’s lives even when yours is in turmoil. You are a very brave, strong, FIERCE woman and I admire that a lot.
I also admire that you are such an animal advocate! That fucking rocks! I am a Vet Tech and horse trainer and have been fighting for animals my whole life :)
Glad to know I’ve got such a strong ali.
Peace and Love :)