21

Sep

Memories of my Angel, Annastasia….

anna

Namaste, Salaam, Sussrekall, and Bonjour to all of you! I am sending you intensity and tremendous love. Today is a special day.
It has been a year since the death of my beloved Annastasia.
Annastasia Louisa Monalisa Molinare was 10yrs old when she got her wings. When she passed away. When she died. When she kicked the bucket. When she croaked.
Anna was the truest example of a Bodhisattva. She was living for the happiness of others, every day of her life. A sweet, gentle, and sensitive little sentient being.
And, Nicklas’ wifey. Om Nama Shivaya.
Anna’s life was plagued by spinal surgeries, 6, in total. 2 ACL surgeries. God bless her, she NEVER complained. Never.
She was such an example to me. She had immense strength and the biggest, truest heart. She had all chakras open, every minute of her life.
She was a scavenger and loved to eat anything she found anywhere, anytime. LOL! (Unlike, Nicklas, who is extremely picky and skeptical with food)
Annastasia was a vegetarian.
Annastasia was NOT a vegetarian when she was on a tourbus with pizza-eatin bandmates. She was not a vegetarian when Walker would slip her bacon.
Naughty! But adorable.
Anna was afraid of children. Anna was afraid of loud noises. Anna was very prim+proper and I treated her like she was “The Princess” of the family. She smelled like a baby (whereas, Nicklas, stinks from his breath+falling out, soft little teeth!)
I was with Anna when she died. I exchanged breathing with her, as she lay there on the OR table at the emergency vet. Her eyelashes batted slowly, with every languid beat of her fading heart. I sang HareKrishna and “You Are So Beautiful to Me” softly into her ear, my tears soaking her mouth.
Ohhh, Annastasia.
She had a tumour bursting in her liver, of all things. She was FINE+RUNNING+PLAYING with Nicklas (and Chula) the day before.
Aint that JUST like life? In a FLASH-everything could change. Let’s remember this. Live IN THIS MOMENT, Loveys.
Om Hare Om.
Nicklas and I were very well-rehearsed at Anna’s absence: all her prior surgeries and subsequent hospital stays were good practice. Plus, having had a rather “adventurous” life, I am very good at compartmentalizing stressors. One of my, built in, coping skills.
I was not sad, as she died, because I was soooo grateful I took her in IMMEDIATELY when she didn’t wake up for the rice cooker shutting off (her morning routine). The vets and I all believe it “was her back, again” as it was only a matter of time we would be facing another spine surgery.
We were all very shocked to discover she had grown a secret tumour (all by herself! What a big girl!) In a short period of time.
Like my tit cancer: grew from nuthin-to-somethin in mere weeeeks!!!!!! (Weeeird!)
It was, once, suggested to me, that “our pets can ‘take our cancer’ from us”.
Frankly, I nearly blewmyfuckingbrainsout at the thought.
Plus I’m a bit of a “science” nut, and do not believe in this theory.
I would feel veryvery badly if Anna “took” my cancer on, so I didn’t have it anymore. Ummm……that thought makes me very sad (because it would be SUCH an “Anna” thing to do!!!)
I will always remember the priveledge of the life she shared with me. I will always honor her and I sit at her still-up shrine everymorning with Nick.
I touch her urn and say a prayer of gratitude for all she taught me. :)
I still haven’t even taken the tape off her urn, since the day they gave it to me (from tthe vet) because I haven’t the foggiest idea what to do with her ash.
She had no “favorite” place- she loved EVERYWHERE. Maybe I simply can’t part with it?
Today, like everyday, Annastasia lives in my heart. I love her everyminute.
Her soft-as-feathers face brushes mine with every breeze I feel on my cheek, everywhere I go. :)
Nicklas, of course, continues to be my loveydoveybabydog. He gets me through and I get him through. Lovenergy. Symbiotic synchonatic existance.
My kids. (Yes I know they are “dogs” LOL!)
I’m very grateful today.
Grateful FOR today and all it may bring.
I’m remembering Anna and I wanted to share that with you.
I will leave for the first section of our new tour, tomorrow. And I can’t wait to see everyone!!!! Fuck yeah! Raaaaawk!!!
Highest Blessings, Positivity, and Bliss to you all.
Love and Blessings,
Biffy
Xoxo