21
Sep
Memories of my Angel, Annastasia….

Namaste, Salaam, Sussrekall, and Bonjour to all of you! I am sending you intensity and tremendous love. Today is a special day.
It has been a year since the death of my beloved Annastasia.
Annastasia Louisa Monalisa Molinare was 10yrs old when she got her wings. When she passed away. When she died. When she kicked the bucket. When she croaked.
Anna was the truest example of a Bodhisattva. She was living for the happiness of others, every day of her life. A sweet, gentle, and sensitive little sentient being.
And, Nicklas’ wifey. Om Nama Shivaya.
Anna’s life was plagued by spinal surgeries, 6, in total. 2 ACL surgeries. God bless her, she NEVER complained. Never.
She was such an example to me. She had immense strength and the biggest, truest heart. She had all chakras open, every minute of her life.
She was a scavenger and loved to eat anything she found anywhere, anytime. LOL! (Unlike, Nicklas, who is extremely picky and skeptical with food)
Annastasia was a vegetarian.
Annastasia was NOT a vegetarian when she was on a tourbus with pizza-eatin bandmates. She was not a vegetarian when Walker would slip her bacon.
Naughty! But adorable.
Anna was afraid of children. Anna was afraid of loud noises. Anna was very prim+proper and I treated her like she was “The Princess” of the family. She smelled like a baby (whereas, Nicklas, stinks from his breath+falling out, soft little teeth!)
I was with Anna when she died. I exchanged breathing with her, as she lay there on the OR table at the emergency vet. Her eyelashes batted slowly, with every languid beat of her fading heart. I sang HareKrishna and “You Are So Beautiful to Me” softly into her ear, my tears soaking her mouth.
Ohhh, Annastasia.
She had a tumour bursting in her liver, of all things. She was FINE+RUNNING+PLAYING with Nicklas (and Chula) the day before.
Aint that JUST like life? In a FLASH-everything could change. Let’s remember this. Live IN THIS MOMENT, Loveys.
Om Hare Om.
Nicklas and I were very well-rehearsed at Anna’s absence: all her prior surgeries and subsequent hospital stays were good practice. Plus, having had a rather “adventurous” life, I am very good at compartmentalizing stressors. One of my, built in, coping skills.
I was not sad, as she died, because I was soooo grateful I took her in IMMEDIATELY when she didn’t wake up for the rice cooker shutting off (her morning routine). The vets and I all believe it “was her back, again” as it was only a matter of time we would be facing another spine surgery.
We were all very shocked to discover she had grown a secret tumour (all by herself! What a big girl!) In a short period of time.
Like my tit cancer: grew from nuthin-to-somethin in mere weeeeks!!!!!! (Weeeird!)
It was, once, suggested to me, that “our pets can ‘take our cancer’ from us”.
Frankly, I nearly blewmyfuckingbrainsout at the thought.
Plus I’m a bit of a “science” nut, and do not believe in this theory.
I would feel veryvery badly if Anna “took” my cancer on, so I didn’t have it anymore. Ummm……that thought makes me very sad (because it would be SUCH an “Anna” thing to do!!!)
I will always remember the priveledge of the life she shared with me. I will always honor her and I sit at her still-up shrine everymorning with Nick.
I touch her urn and say a prayer of gratitude for all she taught me. :)
I still haven’t even taken the tape off her urn, since the day they gave it to me (from tthe vet) because I haven’t the foggiest idea what to do with her ash.
She had no “favorite” place- she loved EVERYWHERE. Maybe I simply can’t part with it?
Today, like everyday, Annastasia lives in my heart. I love her everyminute.
Her soft-as-feathers face brushes mine with every breeze I feel on my cheek, everywhere I go. :)
Nicklas, of course, continues to be my loveydoveybabydog. He gets me through and I get him through. Lovenergy. Symbiotic synchonatic existance.
My kids. (Yes I know they are “dogs” LOL!)
I’m very grateful today.
Grateful FOR today and all it may bring.
I’m remembering Anna and I wanted to share that with you.
I will leave for the first section of our new tour, tomorrow. And I can’t wait to see everyone!!!! Fuck yeah! Raaaaawk!!!
Highest Blessings, Positivity, and Bliss to you all.
Love and Blessings,
Biffy
Xoxo




September 21st, 2009 at 11:09 AM
I know exactly what you mean. It’s been 5 years since I lost my dear General – he was my best buddy – and I still miss him terribly. I cannot do anything with his ashes. About a week after he passed, I had a dream that he wanted back into the house. I got the call that day to pick up his ashes. He wants to be with us still, I think. Weird huh?
we have two dogs now and a third one is our foster dog – we do this in his memory because General was a rescue. they are all my babies!
September 21st, 2009 at 11:13 AM
It is amazing how pets become our “children”; I do not think people who never had a pet ever understand this. I was getting a little “misty-eyed” reading your remembrance of Anna because I go through the same kind of emotional roller coaster remembering a beloved Himalayan of mine. I am happy thinking how blessed I am to have had such a sweet and beautiful animal as a part of my life though, just as you were blessed with lovely Anna.
Before I get all sniffly again, I wanted to also pass along wishes for a great tour, have fun!
September 21st, 2009 at 11:38 AM
dogs are more loyal than cats, dependable, ect. they are completely domesticated creatures. my father is a buddhist and believes his pets are very special. no soul there, it could be confussing, so what then do boddhisatvas do, really? if the end is emptiness, how the hell do you teach that?!!!!!!!?or was it the begining??? relief, it don’t matter. or was that emptiness? so what’s the role of a boddhisatva (towards others) if there is nothing really there? i think dogs are true boddhisatvas. oh, yes, biffy, you are right!!!
September 21st, 2009 at 11:38 AM
thank you for sharing your stories of Anna – my thoughts are with you today. . . :)
September 21st, 2009 at 12:08 PM
hi bif, Might i suggest using her ash to grow plants in? From death life is born. Maybe she had a favourite flower/tree/vegetable?
Hope you and Nicklas are doing ok, and don’t feel bad.
take care,
Terry
September 21st, 2009 at 2:03 PM
That was such a beautiful story. I wanted to cry as I read it :(
I had a cat named Oreo. He was my best friend, and was always there for me when things got tough. If I had a bad day and needed someone to hold me, he was right there. He used to “talk” to me, and he would always listen. He was a very sweet cat and he would always greet me at the door. He was very much like a dog in that aspect. He even enjoyed playing fetch!
Oreo died on December 19th 2007. We had him euthanized because his liver was failing. We’re not sure if it was a congenital problem or cancer like your Anna’s. There was nothing we could do and he kept getting sicker and sicker. On his last night I stayed up with him, cuddling with him on my bed. I cried and he was there to comfort me.
He was only 5 years old.. But we still have his twin brother, Rascal, who is thriving!
May my Oreo and your Anna rest in eternal peace.
September 21st, 2009 at 3:03 PM
That was beautiful. I love my little 9 year old beagle with all of my heart, what a gift. All my thoughts are with you and your babydogs today :)
September 21st, 2009 at 3:41 PM
First of all, much love to you, niklas, and anna.
My family lost our eldest of three pugs this past May and it broke all our hearts. but we were so lucky to have him in our lives. he was a special needs pug that we adopted from a family who could no longer take care of him. the poor old pug man was always sickly, blind, and afflicted with ear infections and other such things that hurt his little head. but man, did he love getting loved, cuddled, fed, and pampered! he was such a prince! he passed away from a stomach ailment that we didn’t see coming, or didn’t notice coming since, our pug, was also the kind of babydog that never complained as long as he had a warm lap and treats. so when we took him in for a checkup after realizing he was not/could not eat…we were crushed when the vet told us he was passing away. it was so hard to deal with, so suddenly. we kept blaming ourselves for not noticing little things, and kept torturing ourselves about fantasies of how maybe we could have saved him. a whole lotta “if only” or “maybe if i had…” or “what if…” If. If. If. Eventually we accepted that the only thing we knew for sure is that he was loved. And that even as he slipped away he was perched on a warm lap, surrounded by love. I miss him horribly, and every now and then I feel a pang of regret for things I wish I’d done…but I try to tell myself that those are things I can’t know or control. So I just take a deep breath and remember all the love our old man pug gave us, and all that love we keep giving back to him every minute of every day even though he is no longer on this earth.
I just wanted to share that with you, and to let you know I’m touched that you shared your Anna rememberance with all of us. You have a beautiful heart and I wish you and your family much love and care.
xx
September 21st, 2009 at 4:33 PM
I think it’s great you’re able to be so open & honest.
I know it’s not easy living with a pet that has a health problem.
It’s hard to see the end and the bright side, but, you do a fantastic job of thinking the good!
Thank you for your story. xx
T
September 21st, 2009 at 5:45 PM
OH Bif that was so bittersweet :( :).
I think of my poor crippled Pippin babydog who got her wings last December; right in the midst of my cancer treatment too.
((hugs)) xox
September 21st, 2009 at 8:56 PM
I cried when I read this… I named my dog Anna after your Anna, and she is the princess of the family too… I had a cat named Smokie and she was such a baby, she was taken as a pet for our neighbours but their cat didn’t like her so we adopted her, right after we had adopted her older half-brother, Thumper. She was taken a little too soon from her mommy, so Thumper showed her how to live, but she still sometimes pooped in the basement (Thumper would NEVER go in a litter box, he would hold it until he could go outside!) and she would paw and suck on your shirt when you held her! <3 She got up to about 20 or 30lbs… and we tried diets and such but she would just make herself sick to get her way or poop extra in the basement… eventually she kept getting bladder infections and the surgery we could not afford…. so I spend my last day with my baby cuddling her and holding her and falling asleep with her and the next day when I woke up my parents had taken her to be put out of her pain… I miss her so much still and I still cry sometimes when I look at her pictures… it hurts so much to lose pets that you become really close with, there’s just some that you connect with more than others and she was always my little girl… Om hare Smoke and om hare Anna… they will always be in our thoughts and they will live on through us! Happy anniversary Anna, you will always be remembered!
September 21st, 2009 at 10:02 PM
I, like a lot of people, know how it feels to have beloved animals pass away. I’ve had it done twice. The first time was my cat Ringo–the coolest Siamese to ever pounce in the grass, with eyes like Frank Sinatra. He was a big cuddler–we have pcitures of him spooning one of our other cats. XD Then about a week after my 18th birthday, he suddenly became very ill, and when my stepdad and sister took him to the vet, they found out he had sever liver damage and was jaundice. They had to put him down. I was at school for a call back for a play audition, and didn’t find out about it until after I was picked up.
The second was our cat Gretchen, who was almost, in a weird way, my little sister. We got her on a fluke when I was seven, and we had her until December 20th of this last year. She was 16 years old. That cat went through everything, even moving across country and back! On airplanes! Automobiles! We moved often, but she always managed to settle in wherever we were.
And you made interesting timing writing this entry–a family friend of ours just brought over two kittens about 6 weeks old that he found in his yard tonight and needed a good home. Over the last several weeks, we’d been looking for a new cat, and now we have two more!
So here’s to you and your Nicklas, and the two new additions to my family (named Lucille Diamond and Mona), and many more happy animal years in our lives. <333
September 21st, 2009 at 10:23 PM
Thank you for sharing your beautiful memories or your beloved Annastasia. So touching……I wish every dog/cat/animal was as loved as she.
Have a lovely day…
September 22nd, 2009 at 12:11 PM
another thing about pets. what kind of pet you chose tells a lot about your self as a person. whether you like snakes, frogs, cats, dogs, igaunas, ect. its a personal choice that some say reflects some quality in you. not to say that i identified with my cat, but i often imagined that we had some sort of identification. pets are a big committment and its important to chose wisely.
i really appreciate the honesty and openness of this blog in the pet stories. as i don’t have any pets i don’t have any wonderful (or sad) stories to share.
may every pet have the chance to develop according to its buddha nature. for the ways are many, although the end is one.
September 26th, 2009 at 5:06 PM
wow. what a beautiful remembrance of Anna.
right now i sit with 3 dogs and a cat … well, i named her kitten but it’s spelled Kit10. and she has a superhero song which i sing to her as i fly her around the room. she loves it. just needs the cape.
and so does my matriarch dog … dreamer. ah yes, to the tune of supertramps “dreamer” she is the peacekeeper and healer of the home.
dakota is a rescued dog who is her boyfriend
and then there’s bill who just wandered onto the property about 6 weeks ago. he looks as tho he could be the offspring of dreamer and dakota
then there’s toby the farm dog that i walk, who lives behind an abandoned house. and is posted there as security. such a lovely animal. we climb a fence to get to him and he loves us dearly as we do him.
oh bif, dogs and all animals … lovely. we are so fortunate as humans to have them in our lives as companions, friends and as teachers as your dear Anna.
thank you for sharing your feelings with us.