24
Jul
The Buzz of Violence..
NamasteSussreekallSalam and Howdy to every single one of you Treasures. I hope this finds you healthy and happy and enjoying this moment.
I am loving this week! Edmonton show, studio time, heat and beautiful creative endeavours everyday. Life is pretty cool.
But I’m a bit haunted…
I do have a confession, Cherished Ones.
I am still a fuckin killer, and its killing me.
Ahhh, yes….ahimsa. Non-violence.
A basic goal. An integral cog in the wheel of a belief system. It remains highest priority, for the most part.
I really know it is a lifelong, important and rewarding path. Om Nama Shivaya. Love this shit! Love it. :)
Except……bees. (Don’t get me wrong. I do not buy beevomit, a.k.a. “Honey” cuz I think its stealing and we use agave nectar…..buuuuut….I’m violent with them and its “fear-based” and ignorant)
*d-oh!*
Yes, there is a song on The Promise album (”Honeybee”) where I do confess a true story about my having killed a bee in my kitchen, one fateful morning. I was consumed with guilt. Sri Annastasia (May She Rest In Peace) and Nicklas and I all, collectively, felt we were under attack of this aggressive species (not to be confused with the “stingless bee”, let’s be clear!)
History behind it all??? Well..
I was stung on the hand at a Kentucky bible camp when I was 10. My hand swelled and rendered me out-of-comission for the next week of activities. (Yes..let’s remember..my beloved parents were missionaries and quite active in the Trinity United Methodist Church down in Lexington. My two sisters and I attended various “camps” every summer……a whole other bunch of stories which we won’t touch upon, today. Ummm….I digress, suprisingly.LOL!)
Back in the kitchen..
This was an incident which began my well-honed fear of buzzywuzzies (bees).
Then a couple other stings along the way, and then, last year, in FULL chemo mode (say, mid-docetaxel..one of the most heinous drugs of my personal chemo regime) sick and bald and icky..but determined to go for a bike ride around the seawall all the way past Granville Island and right before Kits Point……I took a big-ass bee in full sting-mode right in the mouth! Shitdamn!
You know the drill. Physiological gong-show (yet so strangely fascinating) with the whole histamine-action,swelling face+lips (sooo hot, by the way!) And the choking.
Longlonglong story short, I survived (Walker made me sit in a coffeeshop with an ice cube on my inner lip so he could pull the stinger out after a short while.)
I am not into it. Didn’t care for the experience. It smarts. I swell. I cough and choke. Doesn’t appeal to me.
So, like most of us, I “avoid” the bee-action. They buzz around in a park?
I side-step them and sashay my way around them, with my little “eeeeeek!” Cries.
In my KITCHEN (also known as my “favorite place” most mornings) it is very much a problem.
No sooner do I see the tresspasser (who, unfortunately, probably didn’t choose to be in the appartment but is looking for a way out) than I yell, “A BEEEEEEEEEEE!” And run to the diningroom/living room/bathroom wide-eyed and wild-in-the-mind. The babydogs race in behind me, shaking and cowering (as they are, unfortunately, conditioned by MY behaviour)
It is always such a production. I am SUCH an idiotic suckhole about bees.
Its stupid.
And its just plain uncalled for. Unnecessary. Delusional. Cruel. (Hangs head in shame)
And THIS week, the same thing happened (but just Nick and I, this year…oh- and I no longer have jaundice! LOL!)
And the same result: I deliberately set out to whack it. Tsk, tsk, tsk.
I am beneath that bee.
I said I was sorry to it, and Nicklas (who wanted to eat the corpse) and I took its little body and placed it in the flower bed on the walkway to the marina beside my building. We were quiet the rest of the day.
I have decided I can no longer participate in any insect swatting. It is devistating, I’m sure, for the insect family who misses their deceased insect person (yes, the “person” part of the sentence is allllll part of my need for therapy! )
So, Loveies, as we all head into a weekend filled with untold delights, I hereby promise you (and myself) I am going to celebrate and honor the insects in my midst, and work toward a more “non-harming” attitude.
Killing is wrong.
Well……except arthropods. (If I had a centipede crawling on me…..I would definatelydefinately lose it. If I couldn’t kill it I would, literally, be forced to chop my own leg off to remove it from my person!!!!!!!!!!!)
*sigh*
All we can do is live with RIGHT INTENTION. And I intend to try harder. :)
Have a BEEutiful weekend and live every moment FULL ON and know I am sending you bliss and love from my heart,
Fuckin’ Horns Baby! See you at the shows!
Om Sai Love,
Biffy
Xxooxox
July 24th, 2009 at 1:23 PM
WOWZA! That was quite a camp nightmare. I eat meat and have guilt about it. Yet – I can’t seem to give it up. On the flip side, I pick up bugs and shoo wasps out of the house.
We humans are a trip – made up of contradiction. I love animals. LOVE LOVE LOVE em. Yet I still eat Chicken, Beef, Pork.
My intention is to respect life/living things. If only some of it weren’t so damn tasty.
All the best!
Pamela
July 24th, 2009 at 1:37 PM
Oh, Chad would keel over in hysterics reading this!!! Our summer absolutely revolves around avoiding wasps at all costs!!!! I am anaphylactic to them and can actually feel death approaching when I see one. Thank God for my epipen:} I know you feel guilty…but I think you’re brave…I usually have to call the neighbors to shoo them out when they’re in my home!
July 24th, 2009 at 2:28 PM
Ahahah! I love all creatures myself and want to take Biology so I’m into living things…but I too had a traumatic experience with bees as a child and cannot handle a bee that is heading in my direction. Especially the ‘bird bees’, which are like the size of a tennis ball (okay maybe I’m exaggerating). I know it’s the killer African bees you have to watch for but I am easily intimidated by the bigger ones. I also have bad luck; whenever I open a door in summer, a bee or hornet invites itself in. I lived in a room that had 25 dead hornets in the chandalier initially, and seemed to have a scent trail that brought em in every time they saw an open window, my god.
Sooo I have developed a kill-free method of getting rid of bees without murder: vacuum them! Then you can do whatever you want with the bag right? Maybe take it outside, poke an escape hole in it, etc. Or better yet, get someone else to do step 2. =D
Gl with that and take care! ~ Katie
July 24th, 2009 at 2:30 PM
ohh mannn…i cant tell u how much ur “bee blog” made me laugh…especially at myself…because i too had a traumatic childhood experience getting stung by a bee right next to my EYE which swelled up so much i couldnt see & it looked like i went 12 rounds…anyways…to this day…i totally freakout around bees. dont feel bad about having to dispatch one or two if they happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.
wish i could come see one of ur shows up in canada…before the end of ur tour…do u have any plans to play some shows in the states?
July 24th, 2009 at 2:43 PM
Seriously,the existence of Bees is the bane of summer to me. I’m so phobic of them, and definitely conditioned by my mother for that fear. I’ve pulled such fancy manuevers to avoid bees that some MEN have asked lil ole me why i don’t join the army with such dexterity. Well, because i only have any when theres a Bee around, that’s why.
I also got stung in the mouth once, right on the tongue during lunch time at day camp. Everyone already hated me, then I was the loser with a bee sting on her tongue.
Me and the bees have been at war ever since, lol.
July 24th, 2009 at 2:47 PM
I’m that way with bees too! If I get stung I feel like a have the flu for two days. Not really exited to ever get stung again. Sometimes it comes down to kill or bee killed! I’ve heard people say “stand still and it won’t bother you” but that is not true! Got stung by one when I was hardly even moving and didn’t know it was there. I don’t allow anyone to say that to me anymore!
July 24th, 2009 at 4:15 PM
Funny. (Odd.) I had an experience with a little insect tonight. He didn’t bite me, and I didn’t kill him, but I did get scared, and flick him from my hand to the sink where I was washing stuff in hot water. Ugh. Now I feel guilty again.
However, it’s no better a use of my life’s energies to damp my spirit with guilt than it is to swat insects.
I’m with you, though. It’s not my place to take that life.
I admire your oath.
Rock on, lady! :) Love, Light and Blessings.
July 24th, 2009 at 4:31 PM
I share your shame and your guilt… mine was a yellow-jacket who tried desperately to find his way home through my bedroom one day last summer. Alas, my fear overpowered my ‘harm to none’ rede, and I slayed that little buzzer right there upon my pillow. There, I’ve admitted it… thank you, Bif, for giving me the strength to come clean. Take me away, boys. :P
July 24th, 2009 at 4:34 PM
High Biffy!!
It is so sweet of you to care for all forms of life even if they scare you. I am the same way. Sometimes I kill out of fear, but like you, I always apologize to the creature. I think bees and flys and stuff are really smart. When u scream, they become defensive and therefore more scarey. I’ve noticed that if I stay calm and open a door or window really wide, they will usually fly out the window on their own, because they want to leave. It has worked out that way for me so many times that I really think that insects are very smart. You might give it a try sometime!
Luv,
Katy-mo!
July 24th, 2009 at 4:44 PM
Right on! I am having a situation at the moment with the ants in my kitchen. They are an inconvenience and are taking over. But I am a long-time Buddhist and just RELATE to them. Inconvenience versus mass murder? Of course the ants must stay until they are ready to die of natural causes or piss off somewhere else (hoping for some cold weather). Ahimsa indeed. Of course if they were actually harming me I would flip into Old Testament mode, eye-for-an-eye the mofos, and take the karma on the chin. But until then, ants, mi casa es sus casa.
July 24th, 2009 at 5:09 PM
Well i have sat and let bees walk around on me but i have no problem killing them or any other bug or pest if it bothers me or gets into places it shouldn’t be go figure i guess.
July 24th, 2009 at 6:10 PM
It’s all part of the balance of the universe, Bif. You don’t eat meat, but I do. I don’t kill bees or spiders like many other people do. You don’t have to do everything. Just your part.
July 24th, 2009 at 8:44 PM
First off, I really admire these blogs — you are always so cute and entertaining in your writings! :) And for every story, there’s always a heaping mound of good things to take away from it..
I, as well, dislike bees. When I was in 2nd grade, outside at recess playing soccer, someone yelled “bee!”, so like an ass I started running around in a circle screaming and didn’t the little fucker find my cheek (facial, thank you) for a target!!! So for the rest of the day I looked like I was sucker-punched by the schoolyard bully. Hmmph! Maybe I should’ve said that instead of ‘a bee got to me’.. surely I would’ve earned some street cred?
I try not to kill bugs as much as possible.. unless I feel threatened by them.. but honey, I am with you on those centipedes. Eeeeeeeeek!
July 24th, 2009 at 9:27 PM
Oh my darling Biffy…I feel your pain and I too am trying to lead a life of peace and meaningful kindness and while I’m starting to move beyond my bee-phobia, I am not doing as well with my spider-fear. I have a usual non-death rule that I have put out there to the universe;however, I also have put out there that a nest of tarantula’s may live under my bed as long as I never, ever, never, ever, NEVER know they are there. Once said eight-legged-one makes an appearance in my space, especially my bedroom, all bets are off. If it is possible for them to exit peacefully and live the remainder of their existence outside in the great vast world, wonderful, couldn’t be happier (as long as I don’t see them), but not in here baby! Your ass is grass! I’ve thought about therapy for this where you go and they make you touch (just got a shiver thinking about it) and hold one of the critters and I am too scared to do that. So…I’ve decided to accept myself as being a freaked out little schmuck about something much smaller and more vulnerable then me and carry on with my life!
Much lovies! xox
July 24th, 2009 at 10:43 PM
I don’t think bees are my problem- WASPS, HORNETS, MOSQUITOES, & HORSEFLIES now thats a different matter!!!
July 24th, 2009 at 11:30 PM
I don’t think I’ve ever been stung by a bee.. Now that I think about it. I’ve always run away in fear from the things. My hubby isn’t afraid of creepy crawlies/flying things so he always scoops them up and takes them outside. Yes. Even huge-ass spiders. I HATE spiders! I am so petrified of them. At work there was a spider in the Isolation Ward at the vet clinic and I didn’t go in there for a WHOLE MONTH!! Until that is, we hired a new girl and while I was training her, I got her to take care of that spider. The thing was enormous! A big wolf spider! I shudder just thinking about it O.o
July 25th, 2009 at 12:52 PM
Gosh Bif! Now you’re making me feel guilty…
Not that I have ever “whacked” a bee, honey or otherwise (I don’t think). I don’t really have a problem with bees….
but MOTHS…!
There is something about them that freaks me right out and just makes me see red. Especially the really big furry ones….yukkah…..
I have killed probably hundreds of them and never really thought about it before, but having you read your blog I now feel a bit like a homicidal maniac. Serial killers of moths.
Hmmmm…. maybe i will try to remain a little calmer next time I am taking a shower and a big hideous furry flappy thing descends upon me and makes me scream like a big girly!!!! And maybe then wont try and drown it with the shower head before squooshing it into oblivion…
Well, I’ll try anyway…!!
July 26th, 2009 at 8:35 AM
the universe forgives biffy…i am not worried…life is a battle after all (i don’t have to tell you ! i wish i had been through as much as you so i could get a survivor tat) but alas, no tat yet. one day though. seriously, when my little arms get bitten my mosquitoes they swell up hardcore. i have never been stung by a bee/wasp/hornet but if i did i would probably die…i have a feeling i am super allergic. but i am such a scaredy cat…when a bee is nearby i almost pee my pants lol. i have a great idea about your recent “accident”: ! turn it into another positive! do i hear “honeybee 2″ on your next album? i think it at least deserves a poem :) never a dull moment in the life of bif ! endless blessings….om nama shivaya….peace…xoxox
July 27th, 2009 at 2:44 AM
Hey Bif, interesting story. The trauma of our early years is often difficult to shake. I have a few too. However I most wanted to share with you that my wife (Paula) asked me about this particular song. She wondered if you were saying “horny beast” so of course without looking at the song title at that very moment I said “yeah, I think that’s right” of course the buzzing in the song didn’t seem to make sense, but hey it is music how much sense is it suppose to make. So if you want to insert an occasional “horny beast” please feel free and have a laugh on us. We love you Bif, Keep Rockin’
July 27th, 2009 at 4:40 AM
I, too, try to live without harming any other creatures, but somehow in my head, spiders do not count. Any other creepy crawly will get personally escorted out into the backyard and set down comfortable on some large blade of grass or pile of leaves. Spiders on the other hand feel the wrath of my flip-flops or a cold, sticky, hairspray induced death. I don’t crawl all over his things so he shouldn’t be crawling on mine.
I guess we all have our faults.
July 28th, 2009 at 8:14 AM
mosquitoes,,,,i dont like them.they take advantage of you when your sleeping.i go on killing sprees with mosquitoes.and i dont feel nothing but good everytime i get one,especially when i catch one in my hand and crush it.but everything else lives in my world…aahh the retched insect.